You should be.  Cause I’m tellin’ ya, this one’s a killer.  (I know, I’m not funny.  At all.  But hey, you’re still reading, so what does that say about you?  Kidding!)

Yeah, anyway.  So I don’t know if you heard, but moving sucks balls. For reals. But I’m back now.  At least for a little bit.

A lot of stuff has happened the past week.  Most importantly, MY BIRTHDAY!  I know, I know, you guys are all really excited for me.  But seriously, I’ve come to that point where there really aren’t any more birthdays to look forward to, so just call me old.  It’s okay.  I’ve embraced it.

So the exciting part of my birthday, you ask?  Well…

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KitchenAid, bitches!  I GOT ONE!  From Tom!  Cause you know, sometimes he actually knows what he’s doing…

So what, you ask, did I make to break that baby in?  Funny story…  Actually, not really, just kind of long and annoying.  So you know how I’m moving and all?  We’re kinda doing it in pieces.  And, well, I really suck at prioritizing.  While I may have packed up and moved my entire bar, I forgot the baking soda and baking powder.  And then I used up all the butter on dinner last night.  I also don’t have Interweb at the new house as of yet.  So rather than Google “baking powder/soda-less confection fattened up with oil instead of butter,” I was left to flipping through a million and one real-live books. Crazy, I know.  But if I didn’t figure out something to do while the lil’ pumpkin napped, I was gonna have to start unpacking boxes.  Heaven forbid.

So while I was lacking quite a few necessary ingredients, I did, however, have a dozen eggs.  And cream of tartar.  (Why that got the cut before leavener and cinnamon is beyond me.)  And I shit, I’ve got a brand spankin’ new stand mixer…  I assume you know where I’m going with this.  (Angel food cake, dur dur.  Okay that was mean.  If you guessed meringue or pavlova or even something ridiculous like pulled pork or lentil soup, I still love you.  Kind of.)

The base of all forty five recipes I looked at are pretty much the same.  But my stroke of geniosity came from The Mixer Bible, which Tom bought me as an accompianment.  Under their variations, they suggest a cocoa version and an orange version.  But because I am fabulously over the top, I combined them.  I know, I know, you can’t even handle what a good idea that was but please, don’t thank me, just get up and go make this.

Chocolate Orange Angel Food Cake
Inspired by The Mixer Bible

For the cake:
1 1/2 cups room temperature egg whites (between 9-11 eggs)
2 cups granulated sugar (superfine, if you have it)
1/2 cup cake flour (not self-rising)
1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1/3 cup good cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 tablespoon warm water
1/2 tablespoon orange liqueur
zest of one orange

Glaze:
heaping 1/2 cup powdered sugar
scant 1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 tablespoon orange liqueur
1 tablespoon warm water

Preheat oven to 350.

Combine cake flour, cocoa, salt, and 1/4 cup of the sugar.  Sift to lighten four times.  Set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk the egg whites until frothy.  Add the cream of tartar, water, and orange liquer, and continue to whisk until soft peaks form.  Add the remaining sugar, in three separate batches, whisking all the while.  When your whites hold their peaks upright and have a glossy sheen to them, carefully fold your dry ingredients in in three batches.

Pour your batter into an ungreased 10 inch tube pan.  Bake for 40 minutes, or until cake tester comes out clean and the cake springs back.  Immediately invert after removal from the oven.  When the cake has completely cooled, use a knife around the edges to loosen the cake, and remove to a wire rack.

Whisk the glaze ingredients together until smooth.  I prefer a looser glaze, but if you like it thicker, add more powdered sugar.  Using a spoon, drizzle it over the top, allowing it to drip oh-so-attractively over the sides.

A few tips (here’s where I get all serious and pretend like I know what I’m doing):

• Egg whites whip better at room temperature.  If you haven’t taken the eggs out beforehand, just put ‘em all in a bowl and cover with warm water.  They should come up in temperature enough by the time you’re done sifting your dry ingredients.
• Be careful separating your eggs.  I find it easiest to crack it into your hand and let the white slip through your fingers;  passing it back and forth between shells just increases the chance that you break the yolk.
• Please actually measure the egg whites.  It’ll take between 9-11 eggs to yield 1 1/2 cups, but start with nine, and add more if you need it.
• Letting the cake cool upside down is essential, or the weight of it will make it fall back on itself.  You can just turn it upside down on a cooling rack, but a wine bottle through the center is traditional.  And we all know I’m not short on those…

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